The last time I wrote about my brother, I reflected upon a handmade gift he gave me decades ago, and many of his most special qualities. Though close, we certainly have different lifestyles and different relationships to purchasing and keeping stuff. But while visiting with him recently, he expressed how his typical desire for things has been replaced with a desire for time and experiences. This surprised me but it made sense.
His lifestyle is full of love: love for his kids, his wife, and the rest of his family. He likes to create elaborate Halloween displays and costumes, is an excellent cook, likes spending time outside, and is adept at home improvement and technology projects. It’s hard to juggle all of this and balance financial responsibility. We want our lives to be full and colorful but not to the point of overwhelm.
For anyone whose schedule seems too full to fully grasp, reflecting upon trade offs is essential. Choosing not to hire a babysitter so you can spend time with your partner while also choosing to buy expensive clothing or the latest technology trinkets is a trade off whether you realize it on the surface or not. Our accounting isn’t always consistent with our values. Always buying books rather than borrowing from the library as an act of convenience may not be worthwhile (ex. cost, what to do with the book after it’s read, environmental impact). Micro level decisions impact macro level values (and vice versa). Deciding to re-align our values takes deep work along with an acknowledgement of trade offs.
It’s difficult to eradicate Amazon from our shopping habits and cease viewing material gifts as a necessity. We tend to stay where we are rather than move forward. These are much like habits, even though they don’t seem like habits (like the habit of getting up for the gym every morning). Deciding to move away from spending on material items to focus more on time and experiences is a fundamental shift in terms of everyday decision-making and actions.
The greatest challenge might be to decide to make this shift or it may feel easy to shift your values and lifestyle but require a high level of mindset shifting with regard to daily decision-making. Understanding where you fall on this spectrum is key. When we’re used to clicking “buy,” stopping ourselves requires a greater connection with our true desires, even our desire for change.
When we allow ourselves to evolve, we are actually shedding a layer of our identity. And humans are notorious for grasping at identities; holding so tightly sometimes that we even hurt ourselves. This allowing has a certain tenderness to it which is important to recognize as we don’t want to react in extremes to the experience. When we let ourselves to evolve, we are lifting up the gate graciously and are curious about another route our life can take.
On a personal note, I feel very proud of my brother for veering toward this other route. Regardless of how it manifests in reduced spending and time related to things, its a shift and an openness to re-prioritizing his focus even more on the love he has for his family and growing value of his time, which is more and more pulled in different directions.