It all begins with a yes. Or it might be a “not no.” It’s when we accept a circumstance  or an item without considering it’s consequences. Yes always seems easier; it’s a place to start. Maybe a no can come later. But when we start with yes and then move to some sort of no, we’ve added more work for ourselves. And if the yes remains, that’s even more work. The immediate ease of a yes is always paid for later.

This is how unintentional receiving occurs. How many times has your friend or family member brought you something with claims that you’d love it? While you weren’t looking for something or asking for something, in the moment, you’re quick to react rather than thoughtfully respond. You think you’re being nice by accepting it. Rejecting someone’s offer is sometimes interpreted as a rejection of them or, at least, their kindness. That pressure in the moment is real and it’s so easy to succumb to it, even if you don’t want the offering. You think that you can deal with it later or you invent reasons why maybe the item could be helpful. 

Unintentional receiving doesn’t only occur in these more personal situations. Often, we aren’t aware of unintentional receiving moments because they’re so common, like when someone hands us a flyer or leaves one on our car windshield. Or when we’ve discussed a service or product with a business and find ourselves leaving with a folder filled with papers or freebies like pens and other trinkets. Mail may be the greatest offender, even if from organizations we admire. We then need to make mini-decisions that add up fast, but they’re so small we don’t notice or we dismiss them. This even comes in the form of products we buy that come with excess packaging, accessories we don’t want, and informational papers we don’t need. Now there’s something to do other than just enjoy our new purchase. Things land in our home that we don’t seek out. They should alert us to a problem even though they are only subtle intrusions individually- they add up.

Unintentional receiving is particularly troubling because it’s easier to bring items in than push them out. We all experience unintentional receiving but how many of us experience unintentional letting go (save for true disasters like fires)? Because of this, any item that enters without thought will require more effort to let go.  That’s why we need to become a bouncer of our own home, just like a bouncer at the hottest club. We need to be proactive to protect our space.

To combat unintentional receiving, you need a plan and a mindset that allows you to respond thoughtfully when these moments occur or to prevent them from happening at all. Junk mail, for example, may involve never giving away your mailing address (when possible) and proactively contacting companies and organizations to get yourself removed from lists. This may seem like work. You just toss junk mail anyway. But sometimes you forget to toss the junk mail right away, it gets mixed up with important mail, you get a bit stressed by the volume, or you get sucked into reading it. Combatting unintentional receiving decreases these problems when you receive mail. And this goes for email too. 

Preemptively devise responses for when people offer you things. Maybe your canned response is: “Oh thank you for the offer but I can’t accept anything into my home as I’m trying to downsize,” or “That’s thoughtful of you but I have a rule about not accepting [insert type of item].” Whatever it is, be clear ahead of time so that you’re less likely to say yes. 

Minimalism and intentional living are much the same. While minimalism has a greater focus on limiting the number of items you own, these items are chosen intentionally. Being intentional is the key to coming from a place of thoughtful response rather than reacting. Unintentional receiving makes a minimalist lifestyle more difficult but by overlaying a focus of intentional living on minimalism, unintentional receiving will dissipate. It will be seen for the passivity that it is and you’ll have tools in place to address it. It’s also a lens to use when going through your stuff. Which items ended up in your home unconsciously? It’s very rare that these items are worth holding onto. Now you can let go of them, intentionally.